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KRISZTINA TARDOS
The amazing Merit Club founder on fitting into boxes, women in leadership and understanding her purpose. Krisztina talks us through her journey of grasping who she is and who she did not want to be and how she plans to help women just like her, to be themselves.
On the ‘The Merit Club’ website, it states that you felt a ‘gap’ whilst working in the corporate world. What advice would you give to other women who also feel or have felt that gap or void?
For me, that gap represented the lack of a safe space for ambitious women who didn’t necessarily feel the need to find or define their whole being through their careers. At the time I felt there were a lot of interesting networking groups around and interestingly, a lot have popped up since, but to me it seemed that the majority of them focused on career and business; hustling and working hard, and it became obvious to me that there was a need for a space for other type of women who wanted to work hard and at the same time valued a good time.
On an even more personal note, I realised I had social anxiety - which meant that putting myself in social situations freaked me out but deep down I knew I was missing out on opportunities as a result. I did not think that traditional, cold hearted networking was made for women who are sensitive, empathetic and introverted, just like me. I didn’t feel comfortable in those sort of setups and I remember thinking why is there no one that accepts that not everyone is a bulldog or comfortable in that space? To be honest, I didn’t know where to go to socialise that wasn’t my circle of friends or colleagues.
When you were in that corporate space, what was it that made you realise that it wasn’t where you were meant to be?
In a corporate environment, you have to fit in a box, and I didn’t. That inner conflict goes back a long way for me - I grew up in a traditional family which meant that to have that ‘perfect and happy life’. My parents and the whole society believed that certain milestones had to be ticked off. This meant to go university, graduate, get a stable job, have a husband, kids, a nice house and so on. But on reflection, was ticking all of those boxes going to make anyone happy? I know I was following these goalposts blindly for a long time. I was trying desperately to fit into an imaginary box and eventually I just felt that it wasn’t a must for me to do in order to have the life I want.
While working in corporate, I thought a lot of our energy was focused on profit and revenue instead of trying to create change or do things better. Every time there was a personal development review, I was faced with the “you need to focus more on this and not that” even though my background was in design and I was able to bring a lot of creativity and innovation into my role. I remember thinking ‘yes, but I’m not very good at that so why don't you try to maximise on my skills and give me a task that I can excel in?’.
For women who do want to be in a corporate environment, what advice would you then give to management on how to improve the working conditions and culture for their employees?
At that time there were not many conversations around mental health. If management had more education on personality types and were more aware of what they needed to do in order to help employees strengthen their weaknesses in a safer, non-judgemental space that doesn’t directly related to their ‘performance’, they would get so much more out of them.
We all have a different set of skills, strengths and weaknesses; therefore management shouldn’t use the same training for everyone and expect the same result. Saying this, I do feel that in the recent years we do talk about the development of soft skills more and there seem to be a lot more support and education around this, but also from the management side people are a little more open to factoring in things like that when looking at career progression, which seems to be the right direction.
What’s the most important thing that you believe you can do as a woman in leadership?
Showing sensitivity and compassion as a leader is essential in my opinion. I work with 5 women who help me make Merit Club happen. To me it’s very important that they love what they do and that I know what their strengths are and how I can bring the best and most out of them. Of course, we want to generate more profit and be the next big thing but, it’s also about culture, the right environment and overall happiness – at the end of the day, that’s so much more important. You can create the right culture within your team where we are all collectively working towards a shared goal but, in which we have space for off days! Where if any of us has a bad day, that’s absolutely fine because as a leader, I know they’re going to make up for it the next day. Everyone who is in my position should be a little more accepting of the fact that we can’t always bring 100% and that’s okay. Kindness, compassion and fairness are the values I want to bring to my work and the type of leaders we need more of and I’m hoping that by leading with example, I can do a small bit to make this the norm one day.
What do you think needs to happen for more women in the workplace, in business and even women in general, to be more unified and supportive of one another?
To be more open to being vulnerable. I think that’s what we need.
What do you enjoy spending your spare time doing?
Oh yeah, because I have so much of that (laughs). Something I’ve started doing with my boyfriend recently is going for long walks along the river. I really enjoy them. He’s very good at helping me keep an ok work-life balance because the minute he comes home, it’s almost like an unspoken rule that I finish work. In the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey, I was so guilty of working until 2am, but I try to keep a healthier balance now. It’s also a bit difficult for me to draw a hard line as my job is to create lavish experiences, inspiring events and discussions for women which I love and have such a great time at hosting! So, my work often classifies as fun time for me, but I would say that’s incredibly lucky!
What keeps you going on the days that you feel like giving up?
The simple answer to that is My vision. I have big goals for Merit, and I do feel that our mission can bring so much change into women’s lives; to create a safe, welcoming space and help them connect in a city that feels so lonely sometimes. Our club is something that many women need but they don’t know it yet. They don’t know what to search for or what to type in Google. My goal is to reach as many women as possible, to help them create the change they desire, to connect them, help them experience luxury without breaking the bank - this keeps me going. Don’t get me wrong there are days where I feel like it’s all too much and I can’t cope but because I live and breathe my vision, I know it’s only a temporary feeling.
It’s actually amazing how much we don’t give ourselves credit for and how much we forget to celebrate the milestones. I often remind myself that even if I’m not ‘there’ yet, I’m on an incredible journey. I think as a society we are so result driven and actually forget that the journey is as important, if not more. We need to try to enjoy the day to day, instead of feeling down because we are not there yet – whatever ‘there’ means. Reminding myself of this definitely keeps me going and helps me pick myself up.
Do you believe ‘The Merit Club’ has begun to close a gap in this arena of women not having many go to places to genuinely network and build relationships?
I do believe so and that’s something I am so proud of. I think we are living in interesting times where we are constantly challenging old ways of doing things and welcome interesting concepts that offer a different option, including mine. I do believe The Merit Club is offering something new for women who are not comfortable in the traditional networking scene and invites them to take part in a way that feels friendly, instead of having them simply rejecting networking events by default and as a result limiting themselves and sabotaging their personal growth.
Speaking from personal experience, I think it’s quite tricky to make friends as an adult if you don’t work in a structured or corporate environment, or maybe you do, but you travel a lot or lead a busy life with a tonne of commitments. The Merit Club is about real connections and helping women make lasting friendships in a totally relaxed environment. It is easy, because as a member you genuinely end up seeing each other regularly anyway, so then it’s just taking that one step further. A lot of our members have built incredible business partnerships through us too and honestly that is something I’m most proud of. I love hearing about members going for dinners together, supporting one another’s business launches and so on – it is very rewarding to see!
Before you created this hub for women, were there any places you would go to in order to network?
Yes, and that’s one of the things that inspired Merit (laughs). I actually became a member of a very well-known members club in London, with the hope that it would help me meet interesting people and being a safer place, I wouldn’t feel so shy. It gave me some brilliant experiences, but what didn’t feel right or didn’t agree with my values was the fact that traditionally, members clubs put so much importance on how much money you have in your bank account, what status you hold and what industry you work in. I couldn’t agree with why all of these experiences have to be reserved for the ‘elite’ or the ‘chosen ones’. I think accepting a system where our worth is measured by our wealth or our success is simply unfair which is why I wanted to create a club that offers just as much quality as a traditional members club but at a fraction of the price, so that women regardless of their status are able to afford it and feel the benefits too.