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Moving Forward After Your Miscarriage
Words Jadesola Oginni
After losing a pregnancy it’s not easy to move on, but parents should be encouraged to move forward, says midwife Jadesola Oginni.
A miscarriage is a loss of pregnancy during the first 23 weeks. Unfortunately, miscarriages happen often and is the most common form of pregnancy complications and it is estimated that from 1 in 8 pregnancies the outcome will be a miscarriage. The topic of having a miscarriage is rarely discussed and often both the mother and father find they aren’t supported well enough and have to experience the process alone. Most women are able to go on to having healthier pregnancies after experiencing a miscarriage.
Grieve
Miscarriages can cause an array of emotions from guilt, sadness, frustration, anger and denial. It is uncertain why miscarriages happen however it is thought to be nature’s way of ending a pregnancy that could have had adverse outcomes. Feelings of grief following a miscarriage is normal and it’s important to allow time for this. It doesn’t matter how many weeks you were, nothing should keep you from grieving. It is extremely normal for parents to imagine future plans and prepare both physically and emotionally for a new baby. Time is needed to mourn your loss and it is important to take time to heal.
Get support
Oftentimes parents find that people around them tend to dismiss loss or are scared to talk about it. Seeking support from trusted friends, family and receiving further treatment and counselling professionals is key in releasing the emotional pain that can be felt. There are many institutions that provide a level of support to parents and their families through such a difficult time.
Take care of yourself
During this time period it is difficult to think about looking after yourself and giving yourself time to heal both emotionally and physically. Take the time to rest, sleep and catch up on healing if necessary. Simple steps like hydration to help improve your sleep quality and mood is vital. Good nutrition is key to help provide the body and the mind with sufficient amounts of energy to grow, stay active and healthy. This is also a great time to start a new physical.
Commemorate
No matter the gestation of your loss it can be helpful to commemorate the loss of a baby through something special. Whilst the grieving process has many stages it is important to find a way to honour the baby’s short-lived life, this can be through memory boxes, jewelleries, outdoor items or even memory blogs. It is recommended to find something you and your partner can share treasured memories. Most hospitals will offer a memory booklet or box to record details of your baby, you have the option of accepting this keepsake or creating your own memories.
It is important to remember that you’re not alone in this process and there are many charities and institutions that can put you in touch with other parents who can be a shoulder to lean on. Grieving is a process and you should not feel rushed into anything, keep yourself hydrated and well-nourished to get through each day as it is a daily process.