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What Does it Mean to 'Marry Up'?
Words Mollie Davies
Meghan and Harry’s Oprah interview has been watched by over 49.1 million people worldwide, and left many of us surprised with some of the requirements that come when entering into the royal lifestyle. Mollie Davies talks about what it means to ‘marry up’.
Meghan Markle may have been a beautiful, famous American actress before her marriage to Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, but judging by her interview comments, she was just as surprised as many of us to learn of the life changes she had to make when she became ‘a princess’. Cinderella swayed many of us into thinking that royal life is a fairytale; you meet your prince, go to the church in a beautiful carriage and live happily ever after. Nobody mentioned all of the airs and graces that are part of the package.
For those who are born into it, these rules may come as second nature, but certainly if you are marrying into such an institution, many of it may come as a surprise.
Wondering what the nitty gritty of adapting to royal life entails? Well, we’ve broken down what it means to ‘marry up’ in the twenty-first century.
There are plenty of rules and regulations that come with being a royal, from the way your children are brought up to the shoes that you wear at social events.
The Behavioural Rules
When The Queen stands, you stand. Whether she is entering or exiting a room, if you're in her presence, you are required to be on your feet.
If The Queen is done eating, so are you.
We see it a lot on the television, but it's true, when you greet The Queen, you must curtsy if you're a lady, or bow your head if you're a gent. It’s not as grand as you see in dramatised television, though, just a subtle lowering with one leg behind the other.
Christmas presents are opened on Christmas Eve, not Christmas Day.
PDA is off the table - we're not mad about this one, though. Royals aren’t supposed to engage in too much public display of affection, especially if they are visiting another country that has a more conservative way of doing things, as this could make their hosts feel uncomfortable.
We know Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge as Kate Middleton from her early dating days with Prince William. But nicknames are not allowed once you marry into the family. Since they wed, she’s been known to all the family as Catherine.
No selfies or autographs for the royals - they aren’t to be seen as ‘celebrities’.
Enlisting in our British Forces isn't a requirement, but is definitely expected. Harry has been a Major in the British Army, a Lieutenant Commander in the Royal Navy and a Squadron Leader in the Royal Air Force. Quite the decoration, right? Usually, those with military titles will also wear their uniform on their wedding day and at some other important events.
The late Prince Phillip was required to walk two steps behind his wife when out in public, to respect her title - similarly, he wasn’t ‘King Phillip’ as he then would’ve outranked his wife.
You aren’t allowed to have specific political views.
Never refer to the bathroom as the ‘toilet’, it must always be the ‘lavatory’ - common rephrasing is not acceptable. A ‘couch’ is always a ‘sofa’, and ‘living rooms’ are ‘drawing rooms’ or ‘sitting rooms’.
No Fashion Faux Pas
You'll have noticed that Queen Elizabeth always carries a purse with her, and with hidden reason. If she places it on the table at dinner, it means that she wants to draw things to a close. If she swaps her bag from her left to right hand, she wants to end the conversation that she's having.
A royal lady is expected to wear a hat to a formal event during the AM, and in the evening, may switch to a tiara. Each female royal has plenty of tiaras in her possession, often ones loaned from the crowned jewels. You're only allowed to wear a tiara if you've married into the family, though - lucky for Catherine.
Brightly coloured clothing is recommended, especially for The Queen. Black is usually reserved for mourning. Each member of the royal family packs a black formal outfit when travelling, in case of a sudden death.
You need to protect your modesty. Remember that famous photo of Princess Diana clutching her evening bag to her chest as she exited a car? Well, cleavage on show is a big no-no. All royals are required to dress with modesty in mind, and avoid looking racy or provocative.
When walking down the stairs or standing, royal women are taught to walk with their chin parallel to the ground. If walking down the stairs, their hands must also be either side of their body, too.
Queenie hates the look of wedged shoes, so they aren't to be worn at events where she is present.
Watch What You Eat
If you step away from a dinner party before you're officially 'done', then you need to cross your cutlery. When you're finished, you are to place them side by side with the handles facing the bottom right of the plate. A lot to remember, right?
You'll have noticed that the royals spend a lot of time drinking tea, and at 'high teas'. A tea cup must be held by pinching the top of the handle with your thumb and index finger, and using your middle finger to support the handle of the cup. Keep the teacup at 3 o'clock at all times, and sip from the same spot so you're not covering all the china in your lipstick.
Garlic is kept out of all dishes that The Queen is eating, as she doesn't like the taste. Shellfish is also banned, because it's a common cause of allergic reactions and food poisoning.
Wedding Specific
If you want to marry, you need the reigning monarch's permission. This is a legal requirement as of the Royal Marriages Act of 1772.
Each bridal bouquet must contain myrtle, because it symbolises hope and love. Every other flower included usually has a meaning, too.
You'll have noticed that there are always a lot of flower girls and page boys, and a big party of bridesmaids isn't a 'thing'. Bridal parties are to be composed of children, except for a maid or matron of honor or best man.
Until 2011, royals were not allowed to marry a Roman Catholic due to the 1701 Act of Settlement. It's allowed now, as long as The Queen approves.
Usually, the flower girls will carry the bride's train and ladies in waiting would dress her. Meghan Markle had her best friend’s two sons hold her train.
You can't choose your wedding dress without The Queen's seal of approval. Although it is mainly the bride's decision, The Queen is said to have the final say.
Now you know all of this, do you think you’d be able to make the decision to ‘marry up’ and become a royal? From rules on hand shaking to learning a multitude of languages, there are a whole host of rules and regulations that royals must follow.