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Jamie the Fighter
Interview & Words Phadria Prendergast
Jamie Kern Lima is the founder and CEO of billion-dollar beauty empire IT Cosmetics, which disrupted the industry’s status quo back in 2008 with its use of real women, with real skin issues and different skin tones. In an enthralling, raw interview with one of America’s richest self-made millionaires, she opens up to WOTC about overcoming self-doubt, finding herself and the family secret that changed her life forever.
Phadria: Let’s start from the beginning, where did it all begin for you?
Jamie: Growing up, I always thought I would do what you do [referring to Phadria], which is - you know - sharing people's stories with the world; I love other people's stories. I had so many different jobs; from waitressing at Denny's to pushing grocery carts in the parking lot and bagging groceries to selling popcorn at the swap meet. But I remember, even when I was a waitress at Denny's, that I always had this feeling inside, like God had put something in me where I was supposed to create more or give more. I [always] felt like I was made for more, but I really struggled most of my life with doubting it. There would be seasons and periods in my life where I would think, ‘I have big dreams; what if I do this?’ But then I would think to myself, ‘I don't have the right connections, didn't have the right family, I don't know the right people’ or ‘I've got no money’. So, I spent many years of my life feeling like I was made for more but doubting it at the same time.
“I didn't know I would one day build a billion dollar company.”
Phadria: And what was your family life like growing up?
Jamie: I was raised by parents that worked really, really hard. My dad worked in a factory where he inspected the glass on an assembly line, and he worked rotating shifts. Every week he had different hours. My parents divorced when I was six and they both remarried. My dad was an alcoholic and my mom was a superwoman (laughs). She remarried an amazing man, but I was raised with a lot of love. I've since learnt to forgive my dad. He passed away a few years back, but I used to take it personal all the times he was never there.
I had two different epiphanies. For one, I've learnt that people will often love you within their own capacity, and they just have a way smaller capacity to think beyond themselves. Then also through my journey of faith; that has really helped [me] as well. I think that I know who my creator is, and I think that's my dad. Is that too much information for this interview? (laughs)
Phadria: No, not at all! I find that very special and I think this will help a lot of women, so thank you very much for sharing that.
Jamie: Yes, and then when I was in my late twenties, I found out by surprise - by accident actually - that I was adopted. I had no idea of that growing up. I found out at twenty-six and then I started a five-year journey to try and find my birth mom. I just had a few documents and a name, but that was it. I didn't know if it was her correct name, and so I spent over five years calling thousands of women across the country that had her first name, last name, or a slight version of her name.
I was still working, but it was something I became obsessed with - trying to find her. And, you know, if someone ever calls you and they're like, ‘is this Phadria?’ You'd be like ‘who is this?’ You'd think they were a telemarketer or something, and so I would get hung up on over and over and over. I eventually found her! It's a long story, but it's in the book. She was using a different name, but long story short, I have like five families now that I'm still in the process of meeting (laughs).
Phadria: And finding out at twenty-six that you were adopted, what was that like? Did you feel that, as you were finding your mother, you were almost finding yourself as well, because everything that you had known had essentially - I wouldn't say had been a lie - but, did it make you begin to question yourself, your upbringing or things you thought you knew about yourself?
Jamie: Wow! Exactly what you just said, and very few people - even friends of mine have ever even asked that or I thought that, but what you just said is exactly what I went through. It was so shocking because my mom is the closest person to me in my life and the person I love the most, so it's wild when you don't suspect something ever. People deal with this all the time; whether it's with a parent, a family member or a partner or friend, where you think you know something and someone and then all of a sudden, it feels like the rug is pulled out from underneath you.
In my situation, I questioned everything. The other thing that happened is that, by the age of twenty-six, I was also in that spot that a lot of us get to in life; where you want to take care of your parents or protect them a little bit. So, I remember not wanting to hurt my mom, but also freaking out and thinking, 'what else don't I know? Is everything a lie?' It feels like a sledgehammer shattering this foundation of trust. As family dynamics go, you're now navigating, you're trying to figure everything out, but everyone else has feelings about it too.
I spent several years realizing that I had never met anybody I was related to. I would see people on television and if they looked like me even a little bit, I'd Google their age, where they're from and if they were in California at the time (laughs). So yes, it was kind of a crazy journey. The search for my birth mom was, in a way, about her but wasn't. It was [more] like 'who am I? where do I come from and what meaning was I going to choose to assign this in my life?' At the end of the day, that's what everything comes down to.
Phadria: I love that, and can I ask, at what age was it that you found faith, and what made you want to find it? I know that feeling quite well. That one that tells you that you aren't doing what you’re supposed to be doing, and that you should be doing more. What propelled you to find that faith?
Jamie: Thank you for asking that. I was raised going to church on Sundays, but the truth is, every Sunday, I didn’t listen to what the pastor would say during a sermon or anything else. I couldn't connect with it. It didn't resonate with me, and I would spend the whole church service scanning the pews for cute boys and counting down the minutes until the sermon ended, (both laugh). I had always believed in God, but I never connected to anything.
As I got older and moved away, I lived in New York City and different places and one of the things I loved most about that was meeting people that had so many different views on faith. I [also] met so many people that only believed in science, no faith at all. They believe only what you can see, touch, feel or prove, for which faith isn't required. I really started doubting that God exists. I went through a long season in my life of that. Fast forwarding to my twenties and late twenties, where I was working in television news and learnt I was adopted. It was the first time in my life where I was really struggling, and I was raised in a family that doesn't go to therapy or counselling. I just remember thinking, 'I've got to do something,' and on my own I decided to start going to therapy, and it changed my life in many ways.
The point about this with my faith journey is my therapist - I have no idea if she practices any faith at all, I don't know. But I told my therapist at the time that I was really struggling between not knowing where I came from and doubting God’s existence, and she said something to me that day that changed my life and my whole faith journey. She said, 'well, what makes you think God can’t handle your doubts?' And I'm like, 'what do you mean?' She replied, 'well, let's just say he created the whole universe. What makes you think he can't handle your doubts? Why don't you try telling him you doubt him and ask him to prove you wrong?' And so that started this multi-year faith journey. My journey was really transforming because it didn't happen right away; it took a few years, but there have been so many moments - big and small - where God has screamed from the rooftops that he exists. There were times when we launched IT cosmetics, I went through three years of hundreds and hundreds of nos. All of the beauty retailers said no, over and over and over. QVC said no. It was such a tough journey.
Years later, when IT cosmetics became a top selling brand or the number one brand in their stores, I would say, 'thank you so much for believing in me back then' and I've had more than one occasion where they'd say 'honestly, it wasn't your product or you; something told me to give you a chance.’ I've had these situations happen over and over, where it's confirmation of my life that I'm not alone on this journey.
When I look at how I built a billion-dollar company from my living room with close to no money and hundreds and hundreds of no’s, it was pretty much two things; making the decision to believe that I could and keeping my faith bigger than my fear - listening to my gut and learning to trust myself, even when there is no evidence around that I should.
Phadria: That's powerful. Thank you very much for sharing that. I wanted to ask you about IT cosmetics; how old were you when you launched.
Jamie: OK, let me do the math really fast in my head, (laughs). I wrote the business plan on my honeymoon. We put all our savings into it, which wasn't very much, and then eventually quit our jobs in 2008, so I would have been thirty-one.
Phadria: And what would make someone write a business plan on their honeymoon?
Jamie: (laughs) Oh, gosh. I would not recommend that to anyone, ever! It's not the most romantic way to start out a marriage. I also think that so many people learn this lesson, and I feel like this is a lesson that no one can tell you to learn - you have to learn it yourself. So, there were many people that said 'whatever you do, don't work with friends, family or your partner,’ and I feel like we always think, ‘oh, but that's the person I trust the most.’ It makes total sense to go into business with a friend or a partner, but I am amazed that my husband and I are still married and love each other, because it is hard.
My husband and I have different strengths, and we just thought it would be so fun to do something together. So, it just happened where, on our honeymoon flight, we flew to South Africa - it's a very long flight and we had a lot of time (laughs) - and that's when it happened. When we got back, we dove in and went full speed, but it was really difficult. When I say difficult, we both got to the point where we were working hundred-hour weeks for the company. We both kind of became addicted to work. There's a lot of things I did right but also a lot of things I did wrong. One of the things I did wrong was, I don't think you have to work hundred-hour weeks to build a successful business. I think that in my life, I had never seen success like that, and all of a sudden when we started succeeding as a company, I went through a season of, 'is this real, is it going to come crashing down at any moment?' I kept feeling a form of imposter syndrome, which was 'I need to strike while the iron is hot and just work so hard.' And that turned into eight years of hundred-hour weeks.
Even after we sold to L’Oréal, I still worked that hard, and he did too. What I realized is, when you do work with friends, family or your partner, boundaries can get so messed up. We tried to do things like, 'OK, after 9:00pm, we're not going to talk about work,' but then it would be like 09:15. So it was also part of why I decided we should do something, because I didn't want to miss out on my life and all these things. Phadria, I realized that my cell phone would ring and when I would see my husband's name, I actually thought about it as a work call. When he called me, I thought it was a work call every single time. When I realized that, I was like, 'oh, gosh, I've got to make some changes,’ and so that's how that happened.
Going forward, I invest in a lot of businesses and things now, but, if I ever launch something again, I wouldn't do it together, because I want to try and protect the relationship. But if someone had told me this ahead of time, I would have thought, 'oh, it'll be different for me'.
