We wish you a merry mind
Words Dr Alexis Nelson
Let’s talk about what is probably the most nerve wracking aspect of the winter holidays. Forget the trimmings and the food. Forget about the presents. The real question is, who are you spending your holidays with? And I don’t just mean the people around you. Though this time can be filled with warm family memories, sometimes being all under the same roof with your family can be as tough as nails.
Women being mindful by Ablina Gavrilovic shutterstock.comThe Christmas days I have etched in my memory are usually the ones I’d much rather forget. Arguments are plenty and disagreements are pretty much there 24/7. From relatives at your house, to the family gossip in the WhatsApp group. These times usually call for the most extroverted and social beings within us. But what happens when you are just not wired that way. Many self help magazines tell us how to be an unrealistic outward version of yourself. How to be the life of the party? Never how to redefine boundaries and be the best self in any situation.
Whilst I do encourage you to always step outside your comfort zone for personal growth, the question is how do you navigate a time which actually calls you to be self reflective when everything has become commercialized with a red and green facade of happiness in a gift wrap package. The norms say that by now you should be hosting dinners and parties but what if I told you something. The anxiety you had around the holidays doesn’t have to be your story anymore.
So, let’s break down some of the things that really troubles us at this time.
Social anxiety (Social Phobia) is the experience of feeling nervous in any social situation. Social anxiety ranges from mild sweating to full blown panic attacks. It’s more than just being shy and timid. It can be debilitating. You probably fear making eye contact, fear making an embarrassment of yourself and self-esteem can be at an all time low. And after a year of lockdown, there have been increasing reports of this across all ages.
Woman journalling, by Wayhome studio, shutterstock.comAccording to Anxiety UK, 49.6% of people in the UK reported high levels of anxiety which equates to 25 million in March 2020. Here are the top tips to navigate this season and come out on top:
Remember you are not alone: Chances are the person next to you is suffering the same thoughts. Each time you talk, the more power is taken from the issue that holds you down. Each time you are vocal about an issue, the more time and power you regain. Each time you are vocal, you empower someone else to start their journey too.
Talk or write it down: This should be called self expression. Most times before we internalize experiences, there is an opportunity to start to process the emotions and the thoughts that come with trauma.
Set your boundaries: Start practicing how to say no! Most times we don’t have boundaries and the need to please and appease is strong. Can you say no to working late? Can you say no to going to certain events? Can you walk away from hurtful body image comments from family? The start is by saying no.
Track your habits: If you are ready to do so, start tracking your meals and habits. This is not to change them just yet. Get to know who you are a bit better!
Set Goals: By Goals we mean one or two! Ones outside your comfort zone and ones you can focus on! Your goal can range from joining like interest clubs or sharing a secret hobby. I joined a community and we made goals to make changes in the community in our own neighborhood. It’s the small changes and focus on goals that will eventually lead to change.
Confide: You don’t need a panel of people and different voices. One mentor or a few people you can trust to confide in. If you don’t have any, they can always be found!
Get further help: There are now many organizations including Anxiety UK, and SoundMinds UK, GP recommended cognitive behavioral therapy, and IAPTs.
I won’t promise you’ll be your true self from now until Christmas. For many this is a tremendous life long journey. What I can promise is this, the best present to give yourself and others is time to heal from childhood wounds and adult trauma. Like I said at the beginning, check who you are spending time with. Because if you understand the real you that is beneath the trauma you’ve experienced, you'll find that it won’t matter the body type or the settings you are in. You will be at peace whatever social situation you face.