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The Christmas Intruder
Words Faith Wilcox
Christmas is usually associated with being around family. For more than 78,150 in care, Christmas can be traumatising and lonely. I got to discuss what Christmas is like for a young person who is currently in care.
foster child at Christmas, shutterstock.comMany of my readers may not know why I am so passionate about raising awareness of marginalised groups and individuals. I am passionate because at times they are dismissed, and their voices are not considered. So here is your opportunity to place your feet in their shoes. The reality for many children being a LAC (Looked After Child) you are the responsibility of your local authority. Who can you call family? Your biological relatives are out there somewhere but for some reason or another they cannot be entrusted to care for you. Now you go from placement to placement in search of a forever family.
Often Christmas for a LAC can be lonely especially if you are not in a placement or are in a semi-independent accommodation. Whilst engaging in this conversation I found that some councils provide anything between £10 - £50 per child for Christmas. Laughable right? My travel to work for the week is still more than this stipend. However, the government seems to think it is enough. Possessing this information for the past six years, a young person who has experienced being in the care system kindly shared their experience. Every festive season they have apportioned their finances and saved ahead three to four months before the big day itself. Whilst not having a concrete plan of where they will be spending Christmas at all.
lonely child at foster care, shutterstock.comThey recollected what their last Christmas was like. “Last Christmas I was in a residential home (proper Tracy Beaker style), there were a few of us there, most people were in placement, it was very lonely and few staff chose to stay with us. It felt like they were obligated to or felt some pity plus the extra money for working on Christmas Day seemed like a bonus. However, there was one member of staff that came in for a couple of hours despite having his own family plans. Yet again I questioned whether this was out of pity or genuine kindness. Other Christmases’ I have been invited by friends to spend the festive period with their family. Although, this was a grand gesture that I was grateful for. I could not help feeling like an intruder, they did not initially have me in mind with their Christmas plans. I felt like an intruder. I was not meant to be there, it was clear, although they tried their best to make me feel welcome.”
Experiences like these for LAC are very common unfortunately. As a foster child or living in placement; reports are written about you all the time. You constantly feel under scrutiny and making adult decisions at a young age. Trauma is a very real battle children in the care system face regularly. For this young person it consists of family separation, loss, and mental health all before the age of 18. In this case stability is important but during this festive period it is very uncertain. To the extent young people within this category may take time off social media to avoid the reminders of the things they are missing.
Overall, a lot of young people in this position are aware they cannot stress over things that they cannot control. Currently, this year they are still unsure about their plans. If I was allowed to have a wish granted this Christmas, it would be that young people like this do not spend this Christmas alone.
So, what can you do as a reader in this festive season? A piece of advice, get into contact with your local social services and find out how you can support young people in this period. For example making Christmas hampers with essentials or getting in contact with children charities.